Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
