Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
