I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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