You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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