dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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