I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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