i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
