maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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