The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
