and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
