So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
