Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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