next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize