OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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