Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize