yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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