Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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