so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We need to get me chipped asap
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
