In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
