Screwed.edu
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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