We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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