my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
