You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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