He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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