i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
