I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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