Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
