did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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