she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize