I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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