she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
