who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
