so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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