Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You were trust falling into bushes
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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