I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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