I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we made out on top of his cat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
