So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
