I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
