last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
