if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
