Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
