...so i touched it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
