Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
