She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
