her vagine was all disorganized.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
