My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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