my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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