I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
