I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
