I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
