When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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