Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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