OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
