in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
