i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize