Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
