he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
