mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
