jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
