Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am one with the molecules
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
