it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
