I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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