I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
