turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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