I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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