I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She tied me up with her honor cords...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
