I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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