this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The uberlube is also flammable
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
