Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
