If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
