i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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