Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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