I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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